I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
