Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
