my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
