she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
