Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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