i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
