ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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