We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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