yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
