They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
