ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
