Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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