hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
did i walk over a car last night?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
