Pappa wants mamma naked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
