Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
