In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
