I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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