The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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