I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
