i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
