Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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