Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
