So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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