you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
