He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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