I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
