So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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