Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
