before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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