Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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