Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
