I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
