I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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