The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
