I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
