things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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