pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
