Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
