If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
