Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
