so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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