i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
