she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
