A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
