I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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