Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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