dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
