small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
