i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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