the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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