I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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