Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
